Seasons

The last year has taken its toll in many ways and one is the lack of inspiration for blogs, hopeful this will change, as seasons change and God brings in a new season.

The last year has heralded many new challenges, but mainly many battles, I never thought I would face. Last September me and Rach took on the honour of leading the student and 20s work at New Community Church, started a budding relationship, started new jobs, and i moved into a new house.

The first few months were hectic, but exciting, we were caught up on a mission that was exciting and we were building for something bigger. I was now a trainee chartered accountant, in a relationship and leading a ministry in my home church, everything seemed great!

However, if i'm honest I became proud of being able to say the above sentence. The start of the year went fast, things seemed to be accelerating as we moved student work onto campus, and then April hit

I failed an exam at the start of the year, and was fraught waiting for the results, me and Rach had to work through some things in our relationship, we were asked to step down from student work, someone crashed into my car and there were other things in the background. To say life got hard, is an understatement, we carried on, but speaking for myself, I felt bitter, God gave me grace to forgive, but still in my heart things hurt, church became a chore at times, something to fight through rather than enjoy, worship became, just singing, we had to rebuild, as our friends were all in a different stage of life.

We got engaged which was awesome (see last post for details), but things were still hard, I moved out of my house and had more exams to encounter, the backdrop to all this being I didn't know where we fitted in, in this church, I felt lost, abandoned, cast out, no longer a leader, no longer much!

To be honest i'm sure i've painted for you the picture, but the last year has just been flippin' hard, life has kicked me in the teeth, and punched me in the chest, and then Friday came. Results day. The results of my exams, I felt I'd put everything and was trying to stay calm thinking all would be ok. Then the text came through two exams, one pass, one fail. I couldn't believe it, after all my work!

I left the office and I drove back angry, in a rage at God, how could he deal me such a blow, it was the last straw! I've been through enough, why does he mock me and betray me, I've loved and followed God for 16 years, and he just kicks me, my heart fumed against him, and yet I still loved him. The irony here is that I was showing God grace!

This weekend God sovereignly changed my heart and my bitter and resentful spirit, first we had future leadership which was really good, I had the opportunity to share and pray for others, which was great, then this morning I went for a walk with God as I love to do, but so rarely get to. I grumbled some praises and then generally moaned about my situation. and then God did something I didn't expect

He gave me a song, now prophecy is not unusual for me and I love singing in the spirit, but I wasn't expecting it! It was different going into a meeting having something to bring, and I tried and managed to find the right time to bring and God really blessed me. Then me and Rach had the great honour of baptising Rach's friend Tiffany in the water, it was so exciting even though things had been so hard this week I didn't know if i'd ever get there!

And then tonight I went for a run to maintain my football fitness and was thanking God in heart when the holy spirit just broke me and said "I'm bringing you out of this season" - my gaze was lifted my heart resounded with praise and I rushed back to blog on the God who is there in every season and is always faithful!