The last year has taken its toll in many ways and one is the lack of inspiration for blogs, hopeful this will change, as seasons change and God brings in a new season.
The last year has heralded many new challenges, but mainly many battles, I never thought I would face. Last September me and Rach took on the honour of leading the student and 20s work at New Community Church, started a budding relationship, started new jobs, and i moved into a new house.
The first few months were hectic, but exciting, we were caught up on a mission that was exciting and we were building for something bigger. I was now a trainee chartered accountant, in a relationship and leading a ministry in my home church, everything seemed great!
However, if i'm honest I became proud of being able to say the above sentence. The start of the year went fast, things seemed to be accelerating as we moved student work onto campus, and then April hit
I failed an exam at the start of the year, and was fraught waiting for the results, me and Rach had to work through some things in our relationship, we were asked to step down from student work, someone crashed into my car and there were other things in the background. To say life got hard, is an understatement, we carried on, but speaking for myself, I felt bitter, God gave me grace to forgive, but still in my heart things hurt, church became a chore at times, something to fight through rather than enjoy, worship became, just singing, we had to rebuild, as our friends were all in a different stage of life.
We got engaged which was awesome (see last post for details), but things were still hard, I moved out of my house and had more exams to encounter, the backdrop to all this being I didn't know where we fitted in, in this church, I felt lost, abandoned, cast out, no longer a leader, no longer much!
To be honest i'm sure i've painted for you the picture, but the last year has just been flippin' hard, life has kicked me in the teeth, and punched me in the chest, and then Friday came. Results day. The results of my exams, I felt I'd put everything and was trying to stay calm thinking all would be ok. Then the text came through two exams, one pass, one fail. I couldn't believe it, after all my work!
I left the office and I drove back angry, in a rage at God, how could he deal me such a blow, it was the last straw! I've been through enough, why does he mock me and betray me, I've loved and followed God for 16 years, and he just kicks me, my heart fumed against him, and yet I still loved him. The irony here is that I was showing God grace!
This weekend God sovereignly changed my heart and my bitter and resentful spirit, first we had future leadership which was really good, I had the opportunity to share and pray for others, which was great, then this morning I went for a walk with God as I love to do, but so rarely get to. I grumbled some praises and then generally moaned about my situation. and then God did something I didn't expect
He gave me a song, now prophecy is not unusual for me and I love singing in the spirit, but I wasn't expecting it! It was different going into a meeting having something to bring, and I tried and managed to find the right time to bring and God really blessed me. Then me and Rach had the great honour of baptising Rach's friend Tiffany in the water, it was so exciting even though things had been so hard this week I didn't know if i'd ever get there!
And then tonight I went for a run to maintain my football fitness and was thanking God in heart when the holy spirit just broke me and said "I'm bringing you out of this season" - my gaze was lifted my heart resounded with praise and I rushed back to blog on the God who is there in every season and is always faithful!
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Sunday, 18 October 2009
Sunday, 6 September 2009
The Engagement Story!
I thought while I was taking a well earned revision break (I have two more accountancy exams on the 7th and 9th of September). I would write about how I came to be engaged! to the wonderful Rachel Hubbard.
The weekend kicked off on the Friday night, Rach had returned from Newday and we'd planned to spend the Saturday at the beach, dropping Rach's brother back home and enjoying some rays. I'd made Rach a playlist which she appreciated and we listened to it on the journey down.
We awoke early on Saturday to hit the beach, not just any beach but Viking Bay, Rach's favourite beach and one of the prettiest beach's in the world!
Now I had planned the day, but I had to conceal the picnic in the back of the car with my towel. Now Rach had forgotten her towel and asked if I had mine. I somewhat skillfully (i may add) managed to avoid taking the towel down to the beach, and this meant I had to return to the car.
Coming back I returned with some added gifts, a picnic hamper, with Rach's favourite foods, some Rose wine, some flowers and a diary. However at this point Rach was still seated, so I used all my guile and asked if I could shake out the sand off of the towel (smooth!). Rach then asked if she could sit down, to which I replied, 'you may want to stay standing for this' at which point I got down on one knee and asked her to marry me, to which she thankfully said YES!!!
God has blessed us, we managed to get both the engagement ring and the wedding ring in the same day at a price in our budget!
We now also have a date 10th APRIL so save the date!!!
God is good!
The weekend kicked off on the Friday night, Rach had returned from Newday and we'd planned to spend the Saturday at the beach, dropping Rach's brother back home and enjoying some rays. I'd made Rach a playlist which she appreciated and we listened to it on the journey down.
We awoke early on Saturday to hit the beach, not just any beach but Viking Bay, Rach's favourite beach and one of the prettiest beach's in the world!
Now I had planned the day, but I had to conceal the picnic in the back of the car with my towel. Now Rach had forgotten her towel and asked if I had mine. I somewhat skillfully (i may add) managed to avoid taking the towel down to the beach, and this meant I had to return to the car.
Coming back I returned with some added gifts, a picnic hamper, with Rach's favourite foods, some Rose wine, some flowers and a diary. However at this point Rach was still seated, so I used all my guile and asked if I could shake out the sand off of the towel (smooth!). Rach then asked if she could sit down, to which I replied, 'you may want to stay standing for this' at which point I got down on one knee and asked her to marry me, to which she thankfully said YES!!!
God has blessed us, we managed to get both the engagement ring and the wedding ring in the same day at a price in our budget!
We now also have a date 10th APRIL so save the date!!!
God is good!
Monday, 4 May 2009
Hard Times, Good God
As ever it's been a long time since I last blogged, sorry about that!
As ever it's been a busy time, with ups and downs, and "sometimes the ups outnumber the downs, but not in Nottingham" (as sung by the Rooster in the disney classic Robin Hood) just replace Nottingham with Sidcup or more specifically my life/ mine and Rach's lives.
However not wanting to dwell on difficulties I've seen the grace of God at every turn, when we face hardships, we also see the glory of God and I certainly understand more of who God is and how great he is.
It would be wrong of me to list all of the troubles we have faced over the last month and things have been hard on and off for many months, but this has given us a greater testimony of God's grace.
My car was crashed into, but fortunately there was little damage and it was not my fault so should be covered by the other driver. This was on the morning I was expecting my exam resit results. Thankfully, I passed and I am grateful to God that I did as I still have my job, due to his grace.
I can't say I understand what I/ we are going through it's hard and at times it really sucks, but then as I look upwards I see how great God is, and when I look in his word I understand that I am not alone in what I go through and I'm certainly not the first, I'm just thankful that I have a great God. There is no one like him, I can genuinely say in every situation God is worthy.
My prayer is not to never suffer, but to glorify God every time it gets hard.
As ever it's been a busy time, with ups and downs, and "sometimes the ups outnumber the downs, but not in Nottingham" (as sung by the Rooster in the disney classic Robin Hood) just replace Nottingham with Sidcup or more specifically my life/ mine and Rach's lives.
However not wanting to dwell on difficulties I've seen the grace of God at every turn, when we face hardships, we also see the glory of God and I certainly understand more of who God is and how great he is.
It would be wrong of me to list all of the troubles we have faced over the last month and things have been hard on and off for many months, but this has given us a greater testimony of God's grace.
My car was crashed into, but fortunately there was little damage and it was not my fault so should be covered by the other driver. This was on the morning I was expecting my exam resit results. Thankfully, I passed and I am grateful to God that I did as I still have my job, due to his grace.
I can't say I understand what I/ we are going through it's hard and at times it really sucks, but then as I look upwards I see how great God is, and when I look in his word I understand that I am not alone in what I go through and I'm certainly not the first, I'm just thankful that I have a great God. There is no one like him, I can genuinely say in every situation God is worthy.
My prayer is not to never suffer, but to glorify God every time it gets hard.
Sunday, 1 March 2009
Les Miserables
It has been an inordinately long time since I last blogged, due mainly to life's increasing business of business.
Last week was mine and Rachel's 6 Month anniversary of dating each other. To celebrate this I took her to see Les Mis on Saturday night. It was a wonderful afternoon and eening filled with God's provision.
We headed to the station, where we had the romantic photo booth shots. I had just enough loose change to pay for this!
We caught the train and headed into London, we found the restaurant and were told we had a twenty minute wait for a table, which was fine and we had a beverage, when returning to get a table we found out that if we had been 10 minutes later we would have had anything from an hour wait to 2 hours!
We had a shared starter, a main and shared dessert, all with just enough time to leave and get to Les Mis on time. So we arrived at Les Mis at just the right time and were blown away by the amazing story of Jean Valjean. Now I don't want to spoil the story for those who haven't seen it as it is definitely worth going to. But it is a story of amazing love, mercy and grace against which stands the law and injustice. It had a spiritual thread running throughout and drew me closer to God.
We returned back to Sidcup and I walked my beautiful girlfriend home, and said goodnight and went to sleep with the sounds of Jean Valjean in my heADDDDDDDD!!!!!!! (that was me trying to sing at the end, doesn't really work on screen.)
Last week was mine and Rachel's 6 Month anniversary of dating each other. To celebrate this I took her to see Les Mis on Saturday night. It was a wonderful afternoon and eening filled with God's provision.
We headed to the station, where we had the romantic photo booth shots. I had just enough loose change to pay for this!
We caught the train and headed into London, we found the restaurant and were told we had a twenty minute wait for a table, which was fine and we had a beverage, when returning to get a table we found out that if we had been 10 minutes later we would have had anything from an hour wait to 2 hours!
We had a shared starter, a main and shared dessert, all with just enough time to leave and get to Les Mis on time. So we arrived at Les Mis at just the right time and were blown away by the amazing story of Jean Valjean. Now I don't want to spoil the story for those who haven't seen it as it is definitely worth going to. But it is a story of amazing love, mercy and grace against which stands the law and injustice. It had a spiritual thread running throughout and drew me closer to God.
We returned back to Sidcup and I walked my beautiful girlfriend home, and said goodnight and went to sleep with the sounds of Jean Valjean in my heADDDDDDDD!!!!!!! (that was me trying to sing at the end, doesn't really work on screen.)
Monday, 25 August 2008
The Providence of God
For the last couple of months, since moving back to Sidcup, life has been hard. As I ahve previously blogged, I felt called to come back to Sidcup, but I have struggled to find a job and without a job it means I can't move out of home. Last week at church I was just holding on to God and where as previously I had been angry at him for the situation, I repented and prayed Habakkuk's prayer (Habakkuk 3 v17-19), Though I have not a job, though I have not moved out into a new home, though life is tough and doesn't make sense, still I will praise you.
In fact much of the process of the last few months feels like Habbakuk. Asking why Lord?, And understanding that God is sovereign seemed only to make the situation worse! Habakkuk says God why are you going to do this? It doesn't make sense! And why the Babylonians! Habakkuk knew God was doing this, not life, not circumstance, not karma (this is another topic, people say Karma is "everything happens for a reason" and to some extent I believe this is true, but karma has no concept of grace)CJ Mahaney did a great preach on this called "When Life Doesn't make sense" at Together on A Mission 2005.
So I praised God in spite of circumstance, because he is worthy, and he loved me when I was in the miry pit (Psalm 40 v2).
God is faithful and this is how he has blessed me this week.
On Thursday Rachel got in from her trip to Chicago, and I planned to surprise her at the airport. Her flight got in at 8am so I planned the journey leaving Sidcup at 6:11am and arriving at Heathrow at 7:45am. However checking the flight arrival times her flight was getting in early at 7:25, and I was thinking I was going to miss her. Sitting on the Piccadilly line was interminable, the journey seemed to go in slow motion, and then we got to Hounslow. Hounslow, Hounslow, Hounslow, why do you need 3 stations it just slowed me down Hounslow Central, Hounslow East, Hounslow West, couldn't you just have one! Then once we got past Hounslow (the time now being 7:45 and me thinking she's probably already left Heathrow) we stopped at Terminal 4 for 8 minutes! I felt like pushing the train to terminal 1,2,3.
Finally I got there, found terminal 3 arrivals and waited. I soon realised there was a fork in arrivals so passengers could go two ways and I was standing at the end of one, I though tI'm bound to miss her! so I mover to the centre and waited and waited for her to come out. So I phoned her, but not wanting to ruin the surprise I asked where she was and what time she'd arrive at Sidcup station! Finally she came out and I held my banner up saying Rachel, she looked around seemingly oblivious until she finally saw it and I flipped it over to say "Will you go out with me" and she said YES!. Providence of God.
Then Friday I got up early to send my CV over to a firm I'd seen advertising in the paper, I phoned the agency who said it's unlikely I'll get anything until September, dampening my spirits. Then the firm I sent the CV to phoned back and offered me an interview, then one of the jobs I'd applied for on the internet phoned and offered me an interview on Thursday and then one of the firms I'd applied for in June/July and done interviews for, (but they ran out of positions), said someone had dropped out and offered me the position in Redhill!!! So after weeks of no interviews, many applications, signing on for the agency, suddenly the door was opened and I have 2 interviews and a job offer!!! and then Friday night me and Rach had our first date.
God is faithful, the challenge for me now is to continue to rely upon him, trust him and worship him, as the Matt Redman song says "Praise him when I'm laughing, when I'm grieving, every season of the soul". During this time, I've prayed to God (the job process has taken 10 months since my first application), wrestled with God (no dislocated hip though!), and persevered when all felt lost, yet not I, not my works but God's abundant grace has brought this change of situation, still many hurdles remain, house, student work starting up, which job to accept, maintaining and growing our relationship(I'ma complete novice when it comes to dating), but God is abundantly faithful and gracious. Amen and praise his name.
In fact much of the process of the last few months feels like Habbakuk. Asking why Lord?, And understanding that God is sovereign seemed only to make the situation worse! Habakkuk says God why are you going to do this? It doesn't make sense! And why the Babylonians! Habakkuk knew God was doing this, not life, not circumstance, not karma (this is another topic, people say Karma is "everything happens for a reason" and to some extent I believe this is true, but karma has no concept of grace)CJ Mahaney did a great preach on this called "When Life Doesn't make sense" at Together on A Mission 2005.
So I praised God in spite of circumstance, because he is worthy, and he loved me when I was in the miry pit (Psalm 40 v2).
God is faithful and this is how he has blessed me this week.
On Thursday Rachel got in from her trip to Chicago, and I planned to surprise her at the airport. Her flight got in at 8am so I planned the journey leaving Sidcup at 6:11am and arriving at Heathrow at 7:45am. However checking the flight arrival times her flight was getting in early at 7:25, and I was thinking I was going to miss her. Sitting on the Piccadilly line was interminable, the journey seemed to go in slow motion, and then we got to Hounslow. Hounslow, Hounslow, Hounslow, why do you need 3 stations it just slowed me down Hounslow Central, Hounslow East, Hounslow West, couldn't you just have one! Then once we got past Hounslow (the time now being 7:45 and me thinking she's probably already left Heathrow) we stopped at Terminal 4 for 8 minutes! I felt like pushing the train to terminal 1,2,3.
Finally I got there, found terminal 3 arrivals and waited. I soon realised there was a fork in arrivals so passengers could go two ways and I was standing at the end of one, I though tI'm bound to miss her! so I mover to the centre and waited and waited for her to come out. So I phoned her, but not wanting to ruin the surprise I asked where she was and what time she'd arrive at Sidcup station! Finally she came out and I held my banner up saying Rachel, she looked around seemingly oblivious until she finally saw it and I flipped it over to say "Will you go out with me" and she said YES!. Providence of God.
Then Friday I got up early to send my CV over to a firm I'd seen advertising in the paper, I phoned the agency who said it's unlikely I'll get anything until September, dampening my spirits. Then the firm I sent the CV to phoned back and offered me an interview, then one of the jobs I'd applied for on the internet phoned and offered me an interview on Thursday and then one of the firms I'd applied for in June/July and done interviews for, (but they ran out of positions), said someone had dropped out and offered me the position in Redhill!!! So after weeks of no interviews, many applications, signing on for the agency, suddenly the door was opened and I have 2 interviews and a job offer!!! and then Friday night me and Rach had our first date.
God is faithful, the challenge for me now is to continue to rely upon him, trust him and worship him, as the Matt Redman song says "Praise him when I'm laughing, when I'm grieving, every season of the soul". During this time, I've prayed to God (the job process has taken 10 months since my first application), wrestled with God (no dislocated hip though!), and persevered when all felt lost, yet not I, not my works but God's abundant grace has brought this change of situation, still many hurdles remain, house, student work starting up, which job to accept, maintaining and growing our relationship(I'ma complete novice when it comes to dating), but God is abundantly faithful and gracious. Amen and praise his name.
Sunday, 8 June 2008
If you can keep your head
The famous poem, IF by Rudyard Kipling starts,
"IF you can keep your head when all around are losing theirs"
During final exams and many other times of uncertainty, it is easy to lose your head, easy to worry, easy to fear and easy to blame God for hard times. Hard times are not bad times, they may sometimes feel like it but they reveal and build character and help you in the future.
Despite currently having the most important exams of my life at the moment, I feel at peace, despite clouds of uncertainty and the potential to feel insecure, I feel secure.
Why is this?
Is it because of my laid back, debonair nature and cool calm demeanour? Err, no
No, iti s very evidently the holy spirit in me producing peace, inspite of uncertainty and probably because of it. The fruits of peace have already helped me to witness during the exam period, as I am able to be confident, that if I do my best and fail, God still loves me. Ben's talk last week was very helpful on this. The peace of God distinguishes me from those who are panicking and "losing their heads" (metaphorically of course). And I am able to use this for the gospel.
At present I have two more weeks in Loughborough, before I leave to go to New Community Church, SE London. But I still face uncertainty, I have no job to go into yet, no house at present to move into (I'll move back home temporarily though) and I'll be leaving the place that has become home for the last 4 years. Yet in uncertainty I know God will provide and that he has given me peace to stand, oh his abundant grace how it keeps me and helps me to understand how blessed I am.
What more can I say, but that when faced with uncertainty what can I do but trust in God, who has never failed throughout all eternity.
Lastly I'll leave you with the words from this song
How great is the love of God
How steady is His hand
To guide me through this world
Though I am weak in Him I stand
And you will hear me say today,
In faith, I'm gonna trust in God
"IF you can keep your head when all around are losing theirs"
During final exams and many other times of uncertainty, it is easy to lose your head, easy to worry, easy to fear and easy to blame God for hard times. Hard times are not bad times, they may sometimes feel like it but they reveal and build character and help you in the future.
Despite currently having the most important exams of my life at the moment, I feel at peace, despite clouds of uncertainty and the potential to feel insecure, I feel secure.
Why is this?
Is it because of my laid back, debonair nature and cool calm demeanour? Err, no
No, iti s very evidently the holy spirit in me producing peace, inspite of uncertainty and probably because of it. The fruits of peace have already helped me to witness during the exam period, as I am able to be confident, that if I do my best and fail, God still loves me. Ben's talk last week was very helpful on this. The peace of God distinguishes me from those who are panicking and "losing their heads" (metaphorically of course). And I am able to use this for the gospel.
At present I have two more weeks in Loughborough, before I leave to go to New Community Church, SE London. But I still face uncertainty, I have no job to go into yet, no house at present to move into (I'll move back home temporarily though) and I'll be leaving the place that has become home for the last 4 years. Yet in uncertainty I know God will provide and that he has given me peace to stand, oh his abundant grace how it keeps me and helps me to understand how blessed I am.
What more can I say, but that when faced with uncertainty what can I do but trust in God, who has never failed throughout all eternity.
Lastly I'll leave you with the words from this song
How great is the love of God
How steady is His hand
To guide me through this world
Though I am weak in Him I stand
And you will hear me say today,
In faith, I'm gonna trust in God
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