Last Year in Loughborough....
At the end of my FP year I felt that I wouldn't be staying on in Loughborough beyond my degree. However I also felt that I was called to go back to Sidcup for the summer, that it wasn't just a return home for the holidays, but a time to pursue God in all things.
So, I went back and tried to get myself in to that mindset, however on the back of a hard FP year it was hard to motivate myself and build my relationship with God. Yet it got better, but in a way I didn't expect.
Every summer for as long as I have known, I have been to Christian conferences. For the last few years this would mean going to the Brighton Conference in July and Newday in August. However I felt God say to not go to either. Whilst Newday was on, my difficulties seemed even more acute, but on the Sunday, during the Matt Redman song 'You never let go' I felt a change.
I prayed out and God began an amazing work in me, to the extent that I sort to pursue God with all my heart. At the end of the summer I met up with Tim Blaber, student leader at New Community and he asked me if I would consider returning to Sidcup to lead the student work. This came as a big surprise to me, I had been praying to God about where I was to go post-degree, but I had excluded Sidcup as I'd had a prophecy when I was in Spain, that 'Sitting in a pew in a big church will kill you', basically just going to a big church without a role would be spiritual suicide, so i'd ruled Sidcup out. Yet when I prayed into it felt like I would go, but somehow I wasn't in a position to make that decision yet.
Returning to Loughborough was nice after having been away for 3 months and people were very encouraging, and I had a real sense of purpose to work hard in my final year and to honour God in the way that I work. However life soon became hard, I was still deliberating over the decision, and Sunday mornings had become no less hard than they had been in my FP year. I felt under real attack and one week it felt like the rug of faith had been pulled from underneath me, I questioned things that I had always taken as read, and life was hard. The crunch point came one week after church when there was community group meals afterwards and so everyone went to those, yet I didn't have a community group and wandered home, wondering why life was so hard and lonely.
Life can be hard and serving can be costly, but God dealt with me graciously, I decided to stop waiting for some kind of miraculous sign and accept the offer to take on the student work, and God gave me confirmation that I had made the right decision. Things got better and there have been ups and downs since, but these last 6 months have flown by so quickly that I have little I can remember to write. The main themes have been job interviews and working for exams. In between I have raised up a new setup team and handed over responsibility for it, and have run with all I can to pursue God.
So I have only one more Sunday left at the Well Church. I've given my all and pursued God over these last 4 years, and the pursuit has been not only well worth it but also reciprocal! I have given much over my time at the Well, but what I've given has been more than repaid, by the love and warmth of my family that is the church, the input of so many wonderfully gifted people and the opportunity to grow and flourish. It hasn't always been easy, but I am so thankful to so many people who have shaped me over this 4 years. I have changed so much over the 4 years (hopefully all for the better), from a elderly boy who was quite shy to a young man who shaves and more importantly is confident in who he is in Christ and who is privelidged to be a recipient of God's lavish grace and to be called a son.
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